mirth & marvels

I try not to follow social media trends (in a non-professional capacity), but this story about Eboni K Williams and whether or not she would date a bus driver has folks in a chokehold!

It’s made me realize how sensitive people are to the subject of class. Though I will concede that money and class often go hand-in-hand, that’s not always the case. There are plenty of examples of classless rich people and people that may not make much, but have class.

I’m not a multi-millionaire (yet 😏), but I am a woman of means and freedom. This was never specifically about bus drivers. This is about the very real-world implications of dating someone outside of your social class.

The furor she caused with her statements has been both amusing and frustrating.

Since when have we ever lived in an egalitarian society? Dating has always been exclusionary… and it should be. Everyone has never had access to everyone. This is a direct result of social media: overestimated value, underestimated reach, and the illusion that everyone can be reached. What people are really upset about is that she said the quiet part out loud.

The gag is, and I can say it with almost 100% certainty: If any of these men complaining about this actually saw Eboni in public, running errands and living life, a majority of them would not dare approach her. Why? Because they know what we know, but now that it’s been publicly vocalized they don’t want to accept it.

Our clothing and grooming send signals to the world about who we are and what we value. Eboni presents as monied. While some of these men may not have certificates or degrees, they are not dumb: they know what they can and can’t afford. How do I know? Purely anecdotal, but my own life.

For the most part, the only men that approach me are other entrepreneurs, men with inherited wealth, or men established in their careers. These are the men in my social circle. These are the people in my social circle.

When I was broke, I was approached by broke men. Or predatory rich men. The predatory rich men taught me a valuable lesson: to have my own money so that I never have to compromise for him or anyone else. It’s worked out for me so far.

I’ve been in Barcelona for 6 weeks now. No reason. It was purely because I was bored and I can afford to. I’ll be here for at least another month. I’m not so far gone that I don’t realize how blessed I am that I can do this. Most people can’t, including highly paid professionals.

In general, there is a different mindset between hourly workers and entrepreneurs. And this is why, much like Eboni, I have a hard time imagining myself dating a 9-5er…even if I was one myself. Again, this was never specifically about bus drivers. Our lives are too far apart.

I’m less concerned about wages or raises because I set my own rates.

Problems with your gossipy coworkers? I’ll listen, but I no longer have coworkers so….

What about your jerk boss? Again, I’ll listen, but I also don’t have a boss 🤷🏾‍♀️

Vacation request got rejected? That’s tough, but the days of requesting vacation are far behind me. If I want to leave I just go. And I stay for as long as I want (visas permitting)

These sound like small things, but these are examples of fundamental differences in lifestyle that “love” will not overcome. I would be unable to dream with him, and in time he would resent me.

Lastly, for the men that are not wealthy that like to speak on what wealthy men desire, what wealthy men do you know that will substantiate your assumptions? (before it is brought up: yes, I do know millionaires)

There are the Dan Bilzerians of the world (*side note: in the writing of this post I just found out he might be married now? Well, I guess that blows up this argument. She’s successful in her own right), but more of them will be like Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos is a billionaire. With a B. When he got divorced, he could have had his pick of women. Yet, who did he chose? A woman close to his own age (which speaks to his maturity), and a woman that was already in his social circle.

No one is trying to inherit a liability. Not anyone that has anything to lose anyway. No one wants to groom an adult to fit into their lifestyle.

Will a wealthy man use a less accomplished woman? Yes, absolutely. Will he date and marry one? Unlikely… and that’s the truth that many don’t want to face.

No one is saying that people don’t have inherent value. No one has said that people of different circumstances are “less than.” If that is what was interpreted, it’s projection. Coasters and ambitious people are simply not well matched.

I end with this: wherever you are in life, be happy. You will attract the right people and the right partner.

Accept that there are people and lifestyles that you just don’t align with… and that’s okay. People have different aspirations. Whatever yours is, be content. And, by all means, please go outside and touch grass. Ease up on the red pill content, ok?